“Because I Said So”: 10 Alternatives We Wish We Could Use

“Put on your shoes.”


“Stop picking your nose.”


“Stop asking me why.”


“Because I told you so!” 


The problem with “I told you so” is that it doesn’t satisfy anyone. The child doesn’t get to know why, and the parent doesn’t get to…well, to shut the kid up.

Here are 10 alternatives that could, perhaps, satisfy the child’s curiosity (or, at the very least, shut him up):

  1. “Because I’m going to lose my mind if you don’t.”
  2. “Because I’ve already lost my mind. I only sound normal because this answer was cued for output 10 minutes ago.”
  3. “Because Daddy said so. (You should probably ask him why).”
  4. “Because Natural Selection is real, and your chances aren’t looking so good.”
  5. “Because of the unicorns.”
  6. “Because, ‘LOOK! A balloon!’
  7. “Because ‘Why?’ is a naughty, naughty word.”
  8. “Because some species eat their offspring. I’ll just let that sink in.”
  9. “Two words: ‘Santa…..Claus’.”
  10. “Because, congratulations, you have reached the last sane response in cue.”

So, um…I’m going to let you try those out. Get back to me if anything works.